This post is all about why people don’t like me.
I have a feeling most people have low self-esteem, including you.
You start to wonder: does anyone really like me? Is everyone lying to me just to make me happy? Why doesn’t anyone make plans with me? Am I boring? Why don’t people like me?
I have been there. I am still there.
These questions are in my mind almost every day and it kind of sucks.
Here are my experiences with the thoughts of why I think people don’t like me and how I can adjust. With my experiences, I hope you can reflect on yourself and see if there are any changes that you think you should be making too.
Obviously, I am not trying to change you as a person but some behaviors need to be changed to have human decency towards other people.
If you do any of the things that I do in the list below, then people probably don’t like you for the same reasons too.
Disclaimer
I am not an expert in why people don’t like me or why people don’t like you either. I speak from my personal experiences only. This post is for informational purposes only and is not intended to attack or offend anyone. Any person that I speak of that may sound like you is just a coincidence but if you find yourself being similar then making think about how you view yourself and whether you think you are doing well as you are now.
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Let’s begin.
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11+ Shocking Reasons Why People Don’t Like Me
1. People Don’t Like Me Because I Tell Them What To Do
People don’t like me because I can be bossy and tell them what to do. This behavior normally kicks in when I think they are doing something that I do not agree with.
There are times where I have this instinct to take control and start assigning duties to everyone in any group setting.
Instead of letting others decide on what they think they should do, I assume they don’t know and resort to making the decision for them.
Why is it bad that I tell people what to do?
Because most people do not like being told what to do. They see it as being treated as a child, ESPECIALLY by someone that is on the same level as them.
Unless I am their boss or manager, I shouldn’t be telling them what to do.
Solution
To get out of the habit of telling people what to do, I need to only do my part in whatever the task is, and trust that others know what they are doing.
If I think they should be doing something different, I can only make suggestions. I cannot tell them what to do and expect them to listen.
If I stop bossing people around, they will start to see me as an equal. They won’t see me as a nuisance to them.
They will be more likely to like me if they know I won’t be on their backs all the time for whatever they’re doing.
2. Because I Don’t Listen
When I say I don’t listen, I mean that I don’t listen to what they are saying when they tell me what to do. I also don’t actively listen when they are speaking to me.
First Act of Not Listening
Regarding me not listening when someone tells me what to do, I mainly end up doing this because I am stubborn and feel as if my way is better.
When someone else tells me what to do and I don’t think that it is the right way, I won’t attempt their way until it has been proven that I am wrong.
Since I behave and react this way, I appear as a close-minded person that isn’t open to new possibilities.
People won’t like me if I am not willing to have some leeway and adapt to differences.
Solution
To combat this behavior, I have to at least attempt other suggestions. It isn’t until after that attempt that I should attempt my suggestion.
This change in behavior ensures that I am being considerate of others’ opinions and am learning new perspectives to approach issues.
The only exception to doing this is when you’re on a time crunch and you are almost 100% sure your method is more time-efficient.
Second Act of Not Listening
Secondly, I don’t actively listen to people when they speak to me. Maybe the conversation is boring to me. Maybe they aren’t talking about anything that I think is worth my time. (Did I basically say the same thing twice?)
I will admit though that sometimes I genuinely get distracted by something that is happening around me.
But anyway, people don’t like me because I ask them to repeat themselves constantly. I end up becoming a burden to them instead of a friend they can confide in.
Solution
I should take my mind off of everything except for the person I am talking to.
School is on pause. Work is on pause. This blog is on pause.
For all my phone addicts that are out there (yes, you), put the phone down and give this person at least 10 minutes of your time.
They don’t deserve to be half-listened to. I will be doing the same.
If I were to minimize as many distractions as possible, I am more likely to maintain my attention span on the person I am talking to.
The person I am talking to will not only feel more heard, appreciated, and important, but they will like you more too.
3. Because I Make Everything About Myself
Whenever I am talking to someone that is sharing all the contents of their life, I find a way to contribute pieces of my life too.
I always find a way to turn the conversation back to me so I can talk about myself.
This habit of mine tends to happen when a friend is ranting about their life stressors.
I might try to one-up their pain and say that my situation is worse or tell them that they are overreacting.
People don’t like this behavior because I am invalidating their feelings.
Sometimes, I even just completely change the subject because I assume that since they were able to vent, it is my turn to vent.
SOlution
To not make everything about myself, I have to listen to them when they speak and only listen.
I don’t need to give them suggestions. I don’t need to tell them about how I have dealt with a similar situation in the past.
And I most definitely do not need to change the subject and tell them about something that happened to me that doesn’t relate to their topic.
Not only will it seem like I care about them and am willing to listen regardless of what is happening in my life, but they will also like me more too.
Sometimes, putting the spotlight on others more often puts more spotlight on you in the future because of you being known for being a caring person.
4. Because I Interrupt Them
Do you ever have those moments when you’re talking to someone and something they said reminds you of something? So your instinct is to stop them mid-sentence and say what you want to say aloud before you forget.
Well, you most likely just interrupted them.
First of all, interrupting someone while they are speaking is very rude. Don’t worry though because I am a culprit of doing it too.
I think the reason why we interrupt other people while they are speaking is that we are more aware of ourselves. We aren’t willing to step back for another person to have their chance to be heard.
Interrupting is also an indirect message letting the other person know that you aren’t 100% invested in what they are saying.
Since these people can’t talk to you without you interrupting, they won’t like talking to you anymore and most likely won’t like you in general.
Solution
Instead of focusing on your response to what the other person is saying, put your focus on them. Wait until they are done speaking before you make a response to what they were saying.
This way, you are more likely to make an appropriate response after they have said everything they wanted to say.
Normally, interrupting includes assumptions of what the other person is about to say or it includes changing the subject altogether.
With both having an assumption and changing the subject scenario, the other person will feel like what they say doesn’t matter to you. They will feel this way because you don’t let them finish sharing all their thoughts.
We don’t want them to feel this way if we want them to like us.
5. People Don’t Like Me: Because I’m Busy All The Time
This one is mainly towards people that could have potentially become new friends.
Sometimes, I’ll get invited out but I might have projects and exams to study for or a blog post to write.
Since I always seem to have something to do that prevents me from hanging out with other people, they stop inviting me because they have become accustomed to me being busy.
I wouldn’t want to invite someone out if they say no all the time either.
SOlution
Yes, priorities are important no matter what you have. But sometimes, you have to sacrifice yourself to keep the people around you.
The best solution is to make plans ahead of time so that you have plenty of time to get whatever you need to get done sooner.
I am pretty much saying that you need to make adjustments to your time management skills and learn how to be flexible with your schedule.
But planning ahead of time when you’ll be going out is your best bet.
If you plan to go out ahead of time, you can start deciding how much time you need to invest into each assignment to finish it before the event happens.
Once you start setting aside extra time for other people, you’ll go out more, make new friends, and appear as an overall likable person.
The first step of being likable is to show up in general.
6. Because I Flaunt My Accomplishments
People don’t like me because I flaunt my accomplishments. I could be flaunting my good grades, how I got things done in time, or how I can learn a skill that I think not everyone knows how to do.
When I say accomplishments, I mean both the rewards I earn and the amount of work I put into assignments.
I mostly flaunt my accomplishments while I am studying with other students.
Whenever they don’t know something or make a mistake with solving problems, I feel the need to butt in and share my input. I do this to express that I am better at them in this area and I want them to know that.
I only know more because I studied everything ahead of time and already know what they are confused about.
With these many accomplishments I have, I think about how other people don’t have them and in turn, assume that I am the best there is.
I am smarter, quicker to learn, and just overall better at everything (or so I think).
All I want to do is make sure the world knows that I am the best.
solution
To avoid flaunting accomplishments, we need to change our mindset to think about how not everyone needs to know about how much we know and do.
People should like us for who we are and not what we do.
If all you’re doing is flaunting your accomplishments, you’re going to appear as a narcissist.
No one likes someone that only talks about themselves.
So if we take my group studying example, instead of me telling them about how they’re wrong and telling them that I know how to do things the right way because I studied it a lot, I should take my time to praise their effort and show them how to fix their mistakes.
While I do this, I will not brag about how I know more and why I know more. I will simply help them understand how to get to the solution.
7. Because I Judge Them
Not everyone knows when they are being judged but with me, I am very upfront about it.
It might be in the faces that I make or the tone I use when I talk about something they are doing or wearing.
Whenever I openly judge others, they start feeling embarrassed and uncomfortable with themselves. They will start to feel self-doubt but will only feel it with me.
When these people aren’t comfortable as themselves around me anymore, they’ll start tiptoeing around me. They will start to choose their decisions wisely to ensure I don’t judge them.
I am essentially making others feel bad about themselves.
At this point, others won’t hang out with me anymore and would find someone else that makes them feel more comfortable with themselves.
solution
The reason we judge and criticize is that we think that our ways are the only right ways. The way we think, the way we act, the way we dressed, is the way that everyone else should follow. Anything else is wrong.
Of course, this just shows that we are wrong and closed-minded.
To avoid judging people, we need to put ourselves into their shoes and understand their thoughts and emotions.
We have to realize that everyone was raised differently and has experienced different situations in their lives.
Everyone is also their own independent being with their own thoughts and emotions that are different from our own.
We wouldn’t like it if someone judged us for what we liked and did right? So why would we judge other people?
We just need to accept that everyone is different and not judge anyone for what they think, like and do.
8. Because I Say No Out Of Fear Or Lack Of Interest
I would say this is an important one because everyone likes the person that is willing to try anything.
Wanting to try everything makes someone much more interesting and intriguing.
People don’t like me because I say no to a lot of activities that I think are not my thing. I also think that I will make a fool out of myself with it.
But when I look around, everyone else that is trying it is just as new with it as I am, so why do I say no?
Also, saying no is seen as more of a negative action anyway.
The more you say no, you’ll just end up on the side watching life go by while everyone else is making their life worthwhile.
I understand if you have fears because of past traumatizing events.
However, if you are only saying no just because you’re scared of the unknown and don’t know what’s going to happen, then you need to get out of your comfort zone and get these new experiences.
You can only grow as a person if you’re actively learning and doing new things.
solution
Say Yes More Often. When you say yes more often, people will naturally gravitate towards you because you’re always doing something new and fun.
Then, they will also see you as someone fun and interesting.
9. Because I Ask Too Many Questions
This one is a hard one for me to admit because of how true it is about how insecure I am about it.
(It makes me cry thinking about how I do this sometimes because I feel as if it is out of my control. If I don’t know, then I don’t know, you know?)
Most of the time, I ask a lot of questions because I genuinely do not understand the first time when something is said to me.
Other times, I ask questions because I wasn’t listening to them in the first place because of distractions.
The latter is the main reason people don’t like me.
I’ll get distracted by what’s happening around me. I get easily distracted by my thoughts. Sometimes, I’m just not interested in the conversation so I shut my brain off (also not intentionally).
solution
You should try to listen to people with intention and try not to get distracted by anything around you.
Don’t start talking to someone else that walks by. Don’t fiddle with your phone when you get a notification.
Put 100% focus on the other person.
It’s okay if you still ask questions or ask them to repeat themselves because if you don’t know something then you don’t know.
Honestly, if the person you’re talking to is kind and patient, you won’t have any issues.
You never know, some people like it when you ask questions. Asking questions gives the impression that you care and everyone likes a person that cares.
10. People Don’t Like Me: Because I Take More Than I Give
People don’t like me because I always ask for favors and don’t return the favor.
I feel like this mainly happens with my distant relatives. They take me out to eat all the time but sometimes they ask me for a favor and I say no because I am busy or don’t want to out of laziness.
This happens with friends too. Over the years I had been invited out but never could because of being busy, having family obligations, or just didn’t want to out of laziness again.
Then when it was time for me to invite people out, no one would go out with me because I was never there for them.
So, why should they make time for me?
When I am taking more than I give, I appear selfish. People don’t like me anymore because I’ll just be someone that drains them and doesn’t help them in some way in return.
Obviously, there are exceptions because not everything should be a give and take situation, but if it’s constant taking and no giving, the other person is going to dislike you for it and leave.
solution
I need to appreciate the people around me and take time out of my day to be there for them too.
Even if I am busy, there is always time to make room for more people besides myself. I just have to learn how to prioritize and do things more efficiently.
I have to stop expecting others to be there for me when I couldn’t return the favor.
11. Because I Make Everything A Competition
It doesn’t matter what I am doing. It has to be a competition.
When I am in school. Who gets the highest grade in the class? I want it to be me.
Who finishes an assignment the fastest and most efficiently? I want it to be me.
Who is most liked by our boss? It has to be me.
Thoughts like these can make other people not like me because those people probably just want to do their own thing and get things done in general.
It’s not about when it gets done or how it gets done. It just has to get done eventually.
SOlution
Instead of seeing everything as a competition, I need to focus on myself and improve on what I already know.
If I fully focus on myself, then I’ll be able to naturally flourish. Focusing on other people’s accomplishments will only serve as a distraction to me and hold me back from reaching my full potential.
I also need to think about how not everything needs to be a competition.
It’s not that big of a deal if I wasn’t the best of whatever it is we were doing. I just need to focus on getting it done in general. (Unless I am actively participating in a competitive activity.)
12. Because I Am Negative
No one likes a person that is self-deprecating all the time.
Not only will they find you highly irrational with your thoughts of self-hate, but they also won’t want that negativity rubbing off onto them too. Emotions can be contagious after all.
Now, they’re just going to avoid you so they can stay in their happy and positive bubble.
Sometimes, I am negative towards myself because I genuinely think that I look bad, did wrong, or am weird enough that no one likes me. But it took me this long to realize that it’s because of these negative thoughts that people don’t like me. It’s not that they don’t like who I am. It’s how I am choosing to feel.
I can also be negative about the events happening around me and start to complain.
“Ugh why did this have to happen to me, why couldn’t this have happened instead” and other thoughts similar to these.
solution
I need to work on my self-confidence and stop worrying about what other people think. I also need to accept events as they are because they already happened and cannot be changed.
If I focus on myself and become more comfortable in my own skin, then I’ll naturally because positive and see everything in a positive light.
Once I have reached the point of constant positivity, people will start coming back into my life. They will want to be around me to experience my new contagious positive energy.
13. Because I Hold Grudges
I believe that everyone has a grudge against someone, even if they don’t realize it.
I actually still have grudges against some family members because of something they did years ago when I was still in elementary school.
Anyway, whenever I have grudges, I tend to act petty or passive-aggressive towards those people.
Not only will the people you have a grudge against notice but also the people around the both of you.
To other people, you appear as someone mean and something that lacks human decency.
Because people have the impression that you’re a mean person, they will avoid you so that they don’t get your pettiness of passive-aggressiveness either.
solution
I need to learn how to forgive the people I have grudges against. It may be hard to forgive but I also need to realize that these past events will stay in the past.
Unless the person you have a grudge against is still doing the same thing and you can’t get away from them, just forgive and move on.
You’ll grow more as an individual too when you learn to let go.
If you have the opportunity, just avoid the person you have a grudge against at all costs and don’t associate with them. Only then will you begin to feel at peace again.
You might also like 5 Best Ways To Have More Self Peace
14. People Don’t Like Me: Because I Get Too Attached Too Soon
Is it just me or do you get attached to someone that you just met?
Whenever I meet someone new and like their personality, I start envisioning my life with them as one of my close friends and doing more activities with them.
Since I want to get to know them, I’ll start asking them about their life, what they like to do, what they plan to do, etc.
To me, I feel like I am being kind and open to them to help them get to know me more. I also start trying to get to know as much about them as possible.
To them, I probably appear clingy and they may feel like they are being interrogated.
Because of how suddenly invested I am in this person, I’ll start disregarding their body language if they ever want to end the conversation.
People don’t like me when I do this because not it doesn’t feel like they are making a new friend anymore. It just feels like they are talking to someone that is trying to get information out of them.
Solution
Whenever I am meeting someone new, I need to evaluate the energy that they are giving back to me.
If I approach them with a smile and enthusiasm, do they respond to me with the same energy?
If not, instead of asking them a bunch more questions, I should ask only one more and see how they respond the second time.
For the second question, if their energy changes, they start to open up to you, and answer your questions with more enthusiasm, then you have gained indirect permission to continue talking to them
If their energy is still uninterested, then this should be your cue to end the conversation and go about your day.
You don’t need to be friends with everyone and I am starting to realize that now.
If you make small talk while also giving people their needed space, they will like you more. They will also appreciate that you consider their feelings of whether they want to be talking right now or not.
Ending Note
I guess I mainly wrote this post because I have been feeling really insecure lately. I feel this way with my family, my friends, my co-workers, and even my partner.
The fact that you made it all the way to the end of the post means you probably gained some new information from this post. I’m glad.
Can you relate to any of the events and emotions that I have gone through above? Do you agree with my solutions?
I hope you enjoyed me reflecting on how I see myself and my behavior. Maybe this will encourage you to sit and see where you are as a person too.
Have a good day!
This post was all about why people don’t like me.
Katie says
I’m totally with you on a lot of these! especially getting attached too soon and not listening because I think my way is better. I loved this post!
Lily-Anne says
Thanks for reading! I’m glad you like it!
My parents always told me I got to attached too quickly and now that I’m older, I know what they mean.